Thursday, September 28, 2006

These are the illos I did today, just character sketches. I think these might be a little better than the Lady in front of the mirror I posted the other day. I still want to do quite a few more and then I want to continue with this dummy.

I've been sick for the last few days. I must have caught my brother's flu, when we drove down to see Mom in the hospital.

Its been hard, not the flu, although in truth my body aches all over, my head feels like its going to split apart and I can't seem to get this fever to go away. But, what's been hard is the realization that our parents are mortal. Yes, I know, we all are, but somehow I never really thought they could be so frail.

This is the sixth time Mommy is in the hospital since mid June. The second time for my Dad. We still don't know what is wrong with Mom, after what seems like every conceivable test. We've almost lost her each time, and yet somehow ...Although she is left weaker and her body more ravished by whatever is ailing her, she manages to hang on.

If, I stop and think about it I will start to sob, and I can't, because if I do, I may not stop. Even now my eyes begin to tear, so I open them real wide and swallow hard. This seems to force the pain back.

What do you do when someone isn't ready to die, but has been afraid of living most of her divorced life? For Mom, that's been thirty some years.
How deeply love can wound us. I know, I've been there too, the wounded part that is. We all have, or will be at some point in our lives. Thank God for our gifts and our talents however small and humble. They give us hope in ourselves, a glimmer of worth and a forum with which to reach out, touch the world and be touched in return.


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