Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Letters for the Dragon King 29th Day… from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

I saw you in my heart today, or rather I saw myself through your eyes. Funny how love is…how we try so desperately to understand why we are drawn to certain people…compelled towards certain souls. I keep trying to comprehend what I missed, what I could not see, could not accept. Even in my nighttime dreams I find myself always running from you, running away because I am so frightened of the pull… as the tides respond to the moon. That is how it is for me with you, this unexplained force that emanates from your soul and I like a rabbit trying to hide find no escape.

Is it love I fear? Is it love I feel? I have spent so much of my life in pain that I seldom trust my own feelings. I learned so early on to shut myself away. The problem is of course that that is not my true nature. My true nature is very trusting…wanting to trust, wanting to believe. It’s the stuff of nature, of magic, of spirit…of our truest selves and I always the rebel cannot but gravitate towards the light.

Ah, but you see the dilemma? The heart, the soul knows what it knows and deep down will not let the mind rest. Why is that, do you think? I wonder, for in my heart you have always been my mentor even before I met you…even as a child I prayed for you...I prayed for what all others consider a myth. Could it be that that was why our paths crossed? My hope is that I have been as giving to your needs…to your soul’s desires as you have so generously been with mine.

I miss you and I wish I could see you, but perhaps you only came to show me my strength, my worth through your eyes. It has been a long time since I was free…free to write, free to paint, free to play, free to dance. Perhaps I mistook your appreciation of my potential as love. Perhaps it is only my heart that needs to move on. Perhaps you did so the day you left. Perhaps is like a sky filled with stars…dreams waiting to manifest, hearts waiting to shine.

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