Monday, December 21, 2009

Birthright, by Vivian Hadding from Songs for the Dragon King
Sometimes I feel there are no such things as dreams
Just fantasies we invent to protect ourselves from reality
But ever the dreamer...the believer
I look about me to the miracles in disguise
The blessings and friendships I've been given
Given, for in truth I sometimes feel I deserved them not
And worth is our spirit's power
Worth is our spirit's truth
Is it any wonder worth is the first thing our enemies try to strip us of
The thing they strive so desperately to deny us
A loss of worth is just another way to disrobe our Divineness
Our sacredness, our strength
We have a choice
A daily vow
We can embrace our hopes or Their fears
Their fears, because we first tasted those fears through their lips
First witnessed it through their eyes
Through their self loathing and its manipulation of our trust
And who are they...
They are the ones that did not dare to fight
They are the ones that lost their way just miles from the gate
They are the ones who by their smallness needed to micro-regulate
They are the ones who let the memories of past aches rule their lives
They are the ones that could not let go and move on
Such appears the journey of life
Hurt and healing forever mingle in a jar...a body filled with starlight
When we focus on the pain, the fear, the loss then the star's promise is drained
When we tenaciously hang on with faith despite the odds, the nay-sayers, the pain
Then a dream far better than any we could have imagined is birthed.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Silent Dreams, from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

Here I am
Stark and silent
Skin wind blown
Heart sand scraped
Yet, still intact

How do I manage
All tied up

Open heart
Let it go
Dream of love
Not loss

Let the tide
Wash me now
Let the waves
Clear my mind

Carry weeds
From the sea
Cover me
Make me whole
Cool and dark
Hide my soul
Close my eyes
Can't control

Hear the birds
Eagles' scream
Watching, waiting
There for me

Join us now
Join us please
I hear their echoes
Hear their pleas

I can't respond
Maybe my fate
I have to stay
Have to believe

The Dragon King
Lives in my dreams
Waits in my heart
Sings in my soul

I have no answers
And fewer hopes
I feel a fool
Its hard to cope

But I am strong
My soul is brave
I won't give up
I'm going to wait

And late a night
Though cold, alone
He lights my life
Keeps my heart warm

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Darkness, from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

She found herself by the river's edge

She was half aware of having walked there

She tried not to think of the mistakes she had made

The tests she had failed

It seemed her faith in Him had faltered

Not once, but too many times

Since she'd left the Emperor's land

She knew that's why he'd left

She'd known the legend

She'd known the dream

Only great love

Could awaken the Dragon King

Only great faith

Could keep him in human skin

She clutched her heart and shuddered

It felt as it might stop

Dropping to her knees

She was overcome with grief

Her breath was sharp, ragged

Her throat threatened to close

She had promised she would not cry

Yet her face was moist

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks

She wondered why...

Why she had not been strong enough

Why had she been so foolish

Why she had let her faith fail them

She sunk even lower

Heart and soul both swallowed

In the cold, dark mud

Night setteled around her

But she was unaware of anything

Save the fact that he was gone

The realization

That she might never see him again

For he had been her mentor

Her passion

Her light in the darkness

Her heart's sheild

Her protector

Her strength

Morning..from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

She held the stones in her hands

Skin chapped and scraped

She wondered if the rest of her looked as worn

Certainly she felt so these days

She clutched the first one to her heart

Not fully conscious why

Cool and dark not quite round

Still, it felt right

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Thoughts in Passing...No Place to Hide, by Vivian Hadding

I want to run away
But, there's no place far enough

You live inside of me
Lodged in my soul

Why did you have to go
And wake me up inside?

Why did you have to try
Why did you have to lie
Thoughts in Passing...Ancient Souls, by Vivian Hadding

Hope is a vision
A lie told to children by village elders
A myth to help each heart sing
For without innocence all is lost
Perhaps love is just a dream
And hope is all we've got
Then again
I never did grow up
Would rather sing
And dance by Moon light
Thoughts in Passing...Wings and Rain and Broken Dreams, by Vivian Hadding

I must let go of everything
If I'm to grow my wings
I feel stuck in a world of my own creation
I must be strong

There are times I want so badly
Need so badly
to run away

The Chains
Restrain me
The pain
Enfolds me

Is just a faded dream

People are never pleased
Try as you might
You can never get it right

Everyone takes more and more
Till you lose your heart

Then you remember
That once long ago
You were worthy

Once long ago
You were born with wings
Dialog Between Two Strangers...Almost Friends, from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

“What do you mean?”

“I need you to trust me, I need you to wait.“

“Wait? For how long?“ She whispered.

“A year or two.” He replied.

“What? No! “ She panicked. “I can’t!” She thought, “I’m not that strong, not without your smile, not without your touch...Just hold my hand, please give me a sign, something, anything to let me know this isn‘t all in my head.” But she couldn’t tell him that, try as she might the words just wouldn’t come out. Fear, she was gripped with a mixture of hope and a growing dread that he was just trying to comfort her. Grateful as she was for his friendship, his protection, she needed more, she needed love.

“Five, six months then.“ He pleaded.“

“Fine, five or six months.” She agreed.

That had been two, three, four months ago, before he had pulled away. Nowadays he hardly seemed to notice her, so she watched him less and less. It hurt too much to watch him work, to see him proud and glorious, to wait in silence while all the village women fought over his attention. No, she had called the wind, and the Eagle had answered and was watching, though she still loved the Dragon King.

He the dragon king, had walked past her today without so much as a Hi. His eyes angry and vacant, no warmth to be found. She thought back on the last time he had sat with her two weeks back.

“Hello.” He had said with sparkling eyes. “How are you?”

“Ok, and you?” She had replied. They had talked for awhile and as always she’d kept her true feelings in check. When emotion and sadness overcame her she would look away, afraid the tears would come. She had promised herself she would not cry, would not let him think her weak. No Tears had become her new mantra, her daily affirmation. A voice of pleaded reason like some sort of wise, cosmic companion in her head. She knew he had been pulling away of late. She knew but, she didn’t understand why. She tried to compose herself. She took a long, slow breath and turned back towards him. He was no longer watching her. His attention seemed focused inward as if he was contemplating a new problem. She waited rejected. She felt sure she was neither pretty nor smart enough to hold his attention.

He looked up abruptly, smiled, then looked down at his watch. He was either nervous or bored she thought. She was never sure which. That had always been her problem, she didn’t know how to read him, nor any man for that matter. Yet this was no ordinary man, this was part of a long forgotten dream…a myth or so her brothers had warned her. He was the legendary Dragon King. Part man and all magic to lure her in…into the depths of his dreams. What were his dreams she wondered? Always the same silent reply echoed in her mind, always the same silent hope mingled with fear.

She sensed his was a hope that could derail her, a wish half spoken that could betray her soul. Hadn’t he called her though, she thought back trying to recall the beginning. This stepping back from her was not the first time. He had left her once before. He had led her on with such power and conviction only to run away the moment she escaped the Emperor’s dominion. Yet the cards had tried to warned her. They had foretold of a coming test and more, they had counseled her towards forgiveness.

“Forgiveness“, her mind struggled, choked at the memory of his last long departure. Though she found forgiveness a simpler task, trust had always been so very difficult and she felt he demanded trust. He did not know her at all she thought. How could he and demand so much. “No!” She knew trust was at the root of all things magic, for it was all she had ever wanted, all she had ever known, all she had ever loved. She did not fit in this world and so she needed to believe all the more.

“Trust.“ She repeated and her soul held on to the word for warmth, life its very breath. She wondered not for the first time if perhaps her dreams had called him. “Does it really matter?“ Her soul questioned. Her mind began to wander again. Most days she believed. But, lately as the roads that had brought them together had begun to clear the tension had increased.

Perhaps it was her, perhaps she had too little faith and her lack thereof had unraveled the dream. The silence between them grew uncomfortable. He must hate me she decided. He must think I’m a royal pain. Way else would a man pull away?

“I have to go.” He said standing. It was always his way she thought sadly, always one or the other of them running away. “Be happy.“ He smiled again and left.

“Sure, I’ll try.“ Her voice trailed off. A voice filled with anguish torn between hope and dismay. A voice that never had enough courage to speak her heart’s worth.
Its Three AM, from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

I dream of you
I pray, believe

I’m like a thousand women
Waiting for a dream

I sit and play
Another song

Light a small flame
Sing all night long

Just three more hours
Before the dawn

My fingers ache
My heart will break

Cause all my tears
Can’t wash the pain

Your eyes they burned
A hole in me

Cause I believed
And you don’t see

What all your promises
Have done to me

Unspoken love
Unspoken dreams

My breath is ragged
My spirit bleeds

And there’s not much
I can say

When you come close
Then walk away

Perhaps its fear
Perhaps its pain

Don’t understand
The games you play

But soon enough
The wind will blow

And lift me up
And take me home

The eagle waits
He watches close

The tigers pace
They soon will know

The dragon sleeps
But soon must wake

He must decide
Before its late