Thursday, January 28, 2010

Conversations With The Wind...from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

She sat back on her heels, wiping the soil from her hands. She looked at her nails lamenting her lack of gloves. "Ah, no matter." She told herself adoring the pretty wild roses she had planted. Whites, pinks and yellows smiled back at her. She had found them unexpectedly on one of her long walks near the sea. They had been such a treasure, such a treat. All her years of gardening, all her vines and flowers had been left behind the day she escaped the Emperor and his men. She pushed those memories aside, shook herself awake from the dreams that plagued her most nights. "No! It was all a lie." She told herself. "The Emperor's love...the myth of the Dragon King...No. I must move on." She did not notice the wind at first, a slight breeze flowing from the east. It danced around her gently luring her away from the shadows of pain.

"How do you feel?" He asked her.

"I don't know." She answered laying back, stretching her legs. She knew she could confide in him, trust him to listen, to make her laugh. "Confused, alone, grateful, scattered, joyful yet sad. Its as if I'm sleep walking sometimes... drifting in and out of dreams...just doing what I must to survive most days and trying hard not to think too much about love."

"Why love? Why is it so important to you?" He settled round her.

"I'm not sure exactly, only that it seems to reside in the deepest part of my soul... More than that, it guides us, moves us, inspires us and gives us a stronger sense of purpose."


" of us and yet so many of us turn it off, walk away...don't want to take a chance....But, it lives, it breathes it moves through all of us searching, tunneling, striving to break through our surface like a river searching for the sea."

"Us?" he questioned insulted. "The Wind hides nothing. The Wind fears nothing...the Wind blows freely, powerfully, gently. I can glide across your cheek, or wrap you fiercely in my embrace. The Wind fears nothing." He maintained. "The Wind just is."

"Yes." She answered feeling his breath warm and frisky. He was excited...passionate about life. He was life and he let his feeling show. "Oh, Wind..." She inhaled deeply allowing his touch to take her away. "You release me, if only for a while from the pain of the Dragon King."

"Why?" He whispered loving this woman who could appreciate him...who believed in him and felt so many things. "You are not like the others." He continued. " You see what others refuse to see...Feel what many dare not admit. brothers and sisters and me, we would do anything to keep you, to heal and protect you." He inhaled her and she was momentarily swept into his and refreshing, the way he knew she liked him best. "Why?" He whispered again wanting to understand."

"When I'm with you I feel carefree" She answered. "I am like you if only for a spell....brave, inquisitive, light, simple. I can create without fear, without shame. I can be me. I can sing and dance and play and feel safe...but more or just as much...I feel accepted, I feel protected, I feel loved."

He blew at the tears forming in her eyes, the tears that silently began to roll down her cheeks. He knew how much she hated to cry, how much she had tried to forget. He had watched Shulynn her whole life. He had loved her because she always believed.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Quick panel for Meeting in the Forest scene from my Songs for the Dragon King using Painter to sketch digitally. Done in about twenty minutes before I have to get ready for work.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A link to a new blog that I began today, a place where I can keep all my illos together for quick reference. Its going to take some time to get them all uploaded. Much was lost when I left my husband...he took so much of my digitally stored stories and illustrations. However, I have some and I will search for others in seperate files, both physical and digital. As for the rest...Providence will provide.
There's something about dreams, about visions, not the ordinary kind, but the ones your soul makes up in order to carry on. Those are the magical ones. The ones that live between the heart and soul. Like whispers in the winds of our minds urging us onward...telling us it will all work out.

I have those dreams, those visions and I can't stop myself either. Try as I might I need those dreams...those silent wishes.

There's my Dragon King dream and at the moment it seems to be one of the most important. Why? Because, he pushes me past what I thought I could achieve. Because he believed in me and my capacity to lose more than I ever thought I could, and to trust more than I thought I was capable of. Because he showed me who I really am and who I want to be and they are both the same. Because he broke the illusion the Emperor had cast over me and dared me to really see

He frustrates me this Dragon King. I don't understand him fully. I can't seem to shake him even when it hurts so much and his spirit seems so far away. I swear to myself that I will let go once and for all, at least once a day. However, eventually his presence creeps back in again gently, sweetly and unexpectedly. Because of him...of all these thoughts and emotions I have of him, I work harder. I immerse myself in my talents, trying desperately to forget, forgive and perhaps one day figure him out.

He's my imaginary heart, my soul, my love. Why? God only knows, but, there's some tie between him and I...some unfinished business. Perhaps its just my spiritual growth and he's here to inspire and direct me. Not in the sense of telling me what to do, but in the sense that his presence or thoughts of him keep me feeling strong, loved and less alone. This is why we write. This is why we create characters in our hearts, in our minds.

We are artists, we are dreamers, we are storytellers and believers. We write, sketch, dance, sing, play and paint because we must. We do this in order to order to survive.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Treasures from the sea gathered while on the beach the other day

The Mermaid's Song, by Vivian Hadding

There is a place by the sea
I know so well
A secret cove
Where dolphins dwell
Where star fish shine
And seahorse play
Where dreams are made
Cares washed away

There is a place by the sea
I know so well
A secret cove
Where mermaids dwell
Where sea gulls dip
And play in sky's
Clear blues, bright golds
Mirror their souls

There is a place by the sea
I know so well
A secret cove
Where Neptune dwells
Where life rings true
With every breath
Where sirens sing
Of hope, of you

There is a place by the sea
I know so well
A secret cove
Where angels dwell
Where love runs deep
And undisturbed
Its presence felt
With every word

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Hooch wanting to get in on the action this afternoon...or cookies

My two youngest children... Ah...true brotherly and sisterly love
Sitting at home with my oldest daughter Lyra today in front of some of my favorite things....Books! Yes! I love them much to my youngest daughter Kerinna's dismay...she thinks I have too many of them in our apartment.

I had this weekend off and Lyra and my three amazing grandchildren came over for a visit. We made cookies and pasta, went to the park, had a tea party with the little ones and watched The Golden Compass. Personally I loved the book, but the movie was ok.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Prayer for a Sign 30th Day... from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding
Asked for a sign the other day
Needed to know heaven's way
Been a while since I dared dream
Been a while since I let myself believe
You left so suddenly
Without much warning
Only called to say goodbye
Once you were gone
Its all in the past though
The hurt that we gave
The fear in each other
Times wasting away
So I asked for a sign
If its safe to believe
In words never spoken
In dreams never lived
I woke with this feeling
Of incredible peace
And your presence hung round me
Like a blanket...complete
Felt so warm, so protected
Yet, there's nothing to fear
Still your soul seemed to hold me
Though you're no longer here
Seems so strange, so sublime
Cause we've never touched
That your heart can hold mine
Make it sing, make it shine
I will tell you one thing
This I know is for sure
I can't shake you off Baby
No, I never will
So I asked for a sign
Cause I needed to know
Are you real or imagined
Are you heaven's will
I've been meaning to call you
Hear your voice, say hello
Make sure you need nothing
Make sure you're OK
Feel so foolish to wonder
Don't know how you feel
If you want me or hate me
Just don't know which is real
So I asked for a sign
And three random acts came
Three cards with three angels
Peace, Joy and Have Faith
And my soul held each one
And my heart did give thanks
Still no word from you though
Kind of tough to hang on
On the road on the radio
Three old songs played today
From back when you lived here
From back when you cared
And last but not least
On the steps to my door
One lonely white feather
Staring up from the floor
So I picked it up gently
And I brought it inside
Placed it next to my rosary
By my angel of light

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Letters for the Dragon King 29th Day… from Songs for the Dragon King, by Vivian Hadding

I saw you in my heart today, or rather I saw myself through your eyes. Funny how love is…how we try so desperately to understand why we are drawn to certain people…compelled towards certain souls. I keep trying to comprehend what I missed, what I could not see, could not accept. Even in my nighttime dreams I find myself always running from you, running away because I am so frightened of the pull… as the tides respond to the moon. That is how it is for me with you, this unexplained force that emanates from your soul and I like a rabbit trying to hide find no escape.

Is it love I fear? Is it love I feel? I have spent so much of my life in pain that I seldom trust my own feelings. I learned so early on to shut myself away. The problem is of course that that is not my true nature. My true nature is very trusting…wanting to trust, wanting to believe. It’s the stuff of nature, of magic, of spirit…of our truest selves and I always the rebel cannot but gravitate towards the light.

Ah, but you see the dilemma? The heart, the soul knows what it knows and deep down will not let the mind rest. Why is that, do you think? I wonder, for in my heart you have always been my mentor even before I met you…even as a child I prayed for you...I prayed for what all others consider a myth. Could it be that that was why our paths crossed? My hope is that I have been as giving to your needs…to your soul’s desires as you have so generously been with mine.

I miss you and I wish I could see you, but perhaps you only came to show me my strength, my worth through your eyes. It has been a long time since I was free…free to write, free to paint, free to play, free to dance. Perhaps I mistook your appreciation of my potential as love. Perhaps it is only my heart that needs to move on. Perhaps you did so the day you left. Perhaps is like a sky filled with stars…dreams waiting to manifest, hearts waiting to shine.

Letters for the Dragon King…Full Moon Waning 28th Vivian Hadding from Songs for the Dragon King

I begin to see more clearly why you left. You stated particular reasons, but sometimes I feel you were exasperated with me. I think you have always been more enlightened than the rest and therefore more able to rise above the pettiness, or perhaps you just mask your emotions better . But me, I’m a most difficult student, emotional, undisciplined, at times reckless and always soul driven. I feel I am so far from perfection and I want so badly to be perfect. It’s an illusion I know, this crazy drive of mine, this wanting to accomplish the seemingly impossible. It has always been. It has always propelled me past what I expected. It has helped me to survive and more, to thrive where it mattered most… in my soul.

No, I suspect you left not just for the reasons you accepted, for some of those reasons were perhaps born of an oversensitive heart. Perhaps it had more to do with the inner conflicts that plagued us. The ones you so obviously read in my eyes. The constant tug of war between my open heart and the raging fears in my mind. Even now it is difficult at times. There are hours sometimes even days when I feel strong, certain, confident and others where I struggle to maintain my faith…struggle to view all existence with only spiritual eyes. Perhaps this is my eternal quest, perhaps it belongs to all of us.